PSA - to all folks writing Vampire Diaries Fanfic

[turnonmyheels]

When Damon and Elena went off to Atlanta, Elena asked him why he bothered to eat since he only needed blood to live

Damon replied, "As long as I eat a healthy diet my body functions normally."

Last night, Katherine told Stefan that even if he had no blood and was completely desiccated his "heart would still beat". and the veins would rub together

Do you understand what this means? After reading fic for the past season and I half I think you do not. Therefore I will explain [with bullet points!]

In The Vampire Diaries television canon

* Vampires breathe
* Vampires have body heat
* Vampires have beating hearts
* Vampires piss
* Vampires shit

in other words NORMAL BODY FUNCTIONS.

From kadymae There was also that scene a few episodes ago where Caroline explained she ate food because it was satisfying and it helped take the edge off her craving for blood.

Please note: STEFAN DOES NOT HAVE A HEALTHY DIET

That is why he drinks coffee. And I quote "coffee helps the blood move around and raises the body temperature"

ONE MORE THING

Elena did not "drink the tea" after she lost her necklace BECAUSE STEFAN WAS FEEDING FROM HER

Check your fandom! This is not Buffy. This is not True Blood, Dark Shadows, Moonlight, Anita Blake or any other of a million other vampire mythologies.

/rant

people who are desperate for fic in their fandom should never be this cunt-y, I understand this, but sometimes I cannot help myself

ETA JFC - it is STEFAN not STEPHAN. ::head desk::

Comments

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

Ack! Spoilers! *hides*

I have watched no tv beyond Glee and football in roughly two weeks. I think something's wrong with me.

Also: YES. It's like making Joss vamps cry blood tears. Wrong. Canon. People.

[turnonmyheels.livejournal.com]

OMG I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to spoil you!!!

Please forgive me!.

::begs::

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

I don't think you spoiled me badly, or anything, so I meant it mostly as a joke <33

I mean, I knew Katherine was in this episode already. All is well. Just... yeah, spoilers in thar and not everyone's seen it yet, maybe.

[turnonmyheels.livejournal.com]

Thank you for not being aggravated. I have amended the post with a cut to hide that bit about Katherine.


there is nothing wrong with you

[kadymae.livejournal.com]

There was also that scene a few episodes ago where Caroline explained she ate food because it was satisfying and it helped take the edge off her craving for blood.

[turnonmyheels.livejournal.com]

Yes! This! It is important to keep one's vampire mythology in the correct fandom!!

[kadymae.livejournal.com]

Also, I don't perceive this as being "cunty" in the least. It's a case of know your canon.

And frankly, I like that these vamps aren't the standard ice cold walking corpses. I like that they're dead, but on magical life support.

[turnonmyheels.livejournal.com]

I like that too. Although now that I've laid out all the "normal body functions" I'm afraid we're going to get a rash of Elena gets knocked up fics.

[kadymae.livejournal.com]

As if you can't have the "normal body function" of producing semen and being sterile. :/

[turnonmyheels.livejournal.com]

Yes, this.

::Hangs head::

[azewewish.livejournal.com]

God, you sound like I do when I read fics in the Trek fandom & people mention money & buying things & condoms & STDs & driving places & completely ignore the technology because they don't understand it.

[turnonmyheels.livejournal.com]

It's not hard to learn the canon. If you watch the show it's called paying attention.

I do get amused at New Trek's Bones' fear of Andorian Syphilis

[azewewish.livejournal.com]

True, it is amusing in a very headdesk sort of way. Because one drunken conversation he had with Kirk is indicative of his ENTIRE personality. Oh, fandom, never stop being lazy!!!

[turnonmyheels.livejournal.com]

You mean fandom is supposed to extrapolate other personality traits?

O.O

who knew?

*g*

[azewewish.livejournal.com]

Shocking, I know. *g*