i am just a dreamer wearing sensible shoes

The Mid-Life Changes

Sun, 29 Jan 2023 21:34:22 GMT

I married my long-time friend and lover William in November 2022. In typical ME (also William) fashion, we didn't realize we were dating until several months AFTER we were dating and been informed from several folks that we were indeed in a relationship.

Many discussions and hindsight lead us to believe our first DATE was Dune 2022 which we watched from the comfort of my home. We don't live together yet, due to circumstances -mostly parental.

January of 2023 my boss (manfolk#1) came to me and told me he was taking a portion of my job away from me. This was due (rightly so) to the multitude of teeny tiny errors I had made over the years that finally amounted to dear god, get her to do something else. In typical fashion he communicated very poorly with me about his plans for the future. He simply stated he was retiring in eighteen months and that I could stay with the company in a new role we would develop together. I asked if I should find a new job and he said I could certainly look. He had a new person coming in place 2/1 and that's when everything would change for me. He eventually went on to say he wished happiness for me and that I could always come back to work for him if I wanted to.

My friends. I have been so depressed and mostly miserable since everybody started dying in 2016 and then the world truly fell to hell in 2018. I have been stuck and miserable. Complacent and non-involved. I took something like ... 45?? sick days last year because I didn't feel "good" hello depression and anxiety and then went on to make at least two errors every other day I worked.

Since January 9, I have been on indeed, zip recruiter, and linkedin (I hate linkedin) almost non-stop. Suddenly it was like finding a job was my brand new fandom AND a full time job AND a part time job all at once. Sally assured me I could do this and that I had actual skills I just needed to learn how to frame them. I talked to people I know, three recruiters, and a bunch of strangers. I applied to hundreds of jobs and read thousands of listings.

I have had 4 job offers. All of them were a raise from where I was. Since previous job included a car I had to find a job that would cover a car payment. I bought a 2019 VW Jetta SEL with only 16,000 miles on it and two years pre-paid maintenace before I found a job ... so I had to find a job to pay for that.

I needed a minimum of 55. It seemed impossible. First offer was 50K and 5 PTO days a year. Second offer was 55K with ALL the benefits and a 5% 401K match. Third offer was 45K full benefits and the ability to increase salary to 55K within 9 - 12 months if I was amazing at the new job. My fourth offer I wound up taking.

60K/yr Health, medical, vision. Monthly bonus (if earned ) 300 - 700/month. Two weeks vacation, and PTO.

People who have read this far.

This is a FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLAR RAISE. New yearly car expense runs around 8k. I can put REAL money into savings and investments with the amount of left over take home pay.

KADYMAE do you facebook at all? I've got a closed, private "Girls" group over there that is mostly LJ folks. I'd love to add you there if you're at all interested.

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looking for a fic

Tue, 14 Jul 2020 21:57:47 GMT

I've lost a Dark Angel series that was being written on Livejournal an eon ago. It's set post series and it centers on governing terminal city. It's eventual Mac/Alec it's got bunches of either chapters or individual stories strung together. I seem to remember the author called in the Max/Alec something something of Doom.

Help? I've tried the usual suspects.

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Sun, 14 Jun 2020 13:01:26 GMT

My boyfriend dumped me two months ago. I told my 'friend' she had my permission to date him at a later time if she wanted.

She waited a fucking month. Now, I'm looking back on things and putting 2 and 2 together and y'all.

I am so fucking tired of being shit on all the time. I deserve so much better from my 'friends'

I thought considering how terribly he disrespected me during the breakup that she wouldn't date him. I thought she had respect enough for me to wait until my feelings had stopped being hurt

I thought a lot of things. And now it looks like they've been fucking around off and on for a year. Why bother to date me if you're gonna go and do that shit?

Just leave me fucking be.

Be kind to me. And leave me be.

God damn

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Tue, 12 Nov 2019 14:43:52 GMT

Holy cow, I've not posted since December 2018. That's hard to believe and as I wonder what I've done instead of posting here, it must be my "Girls" group on facebook. I've got fandom and real life friends there and it's closed/invite only so people (meaning me) feel "safe" there. Or some such.

Anyway I just did a five day fast and I feel like I should document it.

Fasting day one: it’s fine. It’s okay. I really hope this works. I mean, I’ve been suffering from a bad gut for about 6 years now. I’ve tried everything, even had a colonoscopy. Fasting was always one of the things suggested to help re-set your gut bacteria when I was researching but I had no interest. Insert Ivar. He’s been asking me to fast with him for a while and I kept just knee-jerking No, No, not gonna do that. So here I am, doing that. My normal state of burping has increased about 15% so I’m burping 3 minutes of every awake hour or so

Fasting day two: Morning: down 2.5 pounds Where is all the poop? I mean, that’s one of the things you’re told is that you just explode poop and you feel so much better for it. I pooped like a normal human being (something I only do about 5 times a year) and ??? Okay. Post “lunch”: Not gonna lie, I was sort of hallucinating. I kept seeing trails and I felt fucked up as hell. Not a full trip, but Something. Was. Not. Right. Teaching yoga was a hoot. I’m not burping any longer, I’m officially belching. The volume has increased dramatically

Fasting day three: Morning: no weight loss still down 2.5 pounds no, really, where is all the poop? Day one and two I actually pooped less than I normally do. I’ve drank eight shakes full of psyllium husks, drank all the water, and the weird turmeric tea. WHERE IS THE POOP? Afternoon: oh look! I found all my tucked away irritation, anger, frustration, and general helplessness AND I’M FUCKING HUNGRY.

AND I CAN’T STOP BELCHING

My mom thinks I’m hysterical and that I should film myself and put it on Youtube. She asked me what I wanted from all of this. And I said I wanted my poop to come out of my body in one piece 3 times a week. I’d take not pooping the other days. No more explosive liquid diarrhea (ELD), no more mush, no more rocks, no more 35 minute sessions and still feeling like I have to go more. No more days and days of not going at all. I just want to poop solid turds without straining! What’s so funny about that? I drink a bowl of broth, eh whatever, I’m good.

Fast day four: Morning down 5 pounds. I’ve not had food in three damn days and I’ve only lost five pounds and I still haven’t pooped? THIS SUCKS. My gut looks huge despite having lost five pounds, it must be all those psyllium husks hanging around. I have broth for breakfast and suddenly all is bright and shiny in the world.

Except for THE BELCHING. It’s like I’m belching without stopping for 10-15 minutes at a time with a ten minute reprieve between sessions It’s awful.

Afternoon comes and so with it “lunch” and my mom gets all over my nerves again. I’m due to start my period tomorrow, I’ll just blame that. Evening rolls around and I have my third bowl of broth since all of this started. I sip it slowly and watch a ton of tv with Sally. She’s the best roomie she’s only eaten in front of me once during all of this. Ivar said I could have an occasional alcoholic beverage and he had his last night so I get a Ginger Beer (Mule Kicker) out of the fridge. I manage to drink half of it over the course of about 3 hours. And if I thought I had bad belching before, I was naive as to how far things like that could go. I belched without stopping for two fucking hours. Not the little burps I normally have, full on BELCHING it will Not STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 5: No period, but plenty of cramps. I’ve lost 5.5 pounds now. And the Pooping has finally begun! Woo Hoo! The bloating is going down as well!! Poop out, bloating down, period due in about 8 hours. Yay. You should hear the sounds in my gut. They don’t really stop. I hope the bacteria in there is building up properly. Tomorrow, I will start some heavy duty gut supplements and I’m planning to start eating again. Was going to go for 7 days but I have to take my Aunt for a doctor’s appointment Monday and I’d rather not try to break the fast when I’m not at home.

Cooked for eating: baked some sweet potatoes, peeled them and mashed them with a pat of butter. Turmeric (and other spices) rice. Salad with romaine, peeled carrots, peeled cucumbers, and radishes. Chicken soup lots of onion, garlic, celery, and carrots. Sliced some pineapple, plucked and washed grapes. Ivar comes with lobster broth. We have it for dinner. It’s so rich I can’t finish my cup. We drank some very yummy mead. My gut is happy.

Recovery Day 1: I wake up and I’m not one bit hungry. Coffee with cream, coming right up. Belching: coming right up. These sweet potatoes are the best thing I’ve ever eaten in my life. I drink some of the broth from the soup I made. So good. I’m not eating anything out of it, just drinking the broth.

HOLY GOD THE BELCHING IS WORSE THAN IT WAS BEFORE. I didn’t think that was possible. It will not stop. I get an occasional 10 minute reprieve, but all day belching. Bought honeycrisp apples from Brushy Mountain and made applesauce (peeled apples, cinnamon, and nutmeg). Fingers crossed I can eat this, apples are on the do not eat IBS list but applesauce is on the safe list so I’m taking a chance. Plus it’s apple season and when else can you get 5 pounds of honeycrisps for $5?

Dinner time more homemade broth, more sweet potato, some applesauce. THE BELCHING WILL NOT STOP. I have taken two gas-x at this point and I am beyond miserable.

Recovery Day 2: One black chai tea bag and hot water coming up. Sweet potatoes for breakfast. Everything is good. No burping or belching. The doctor’s appointment does not yield good results. More sweet potato for lunch and some scrambled eggs. No belching. This is good. I have applesauce for a snack, no belching. I try some of the salad with a balsamic vinaigrette from Panera. Wait a couple hours. No belching. Turmeric rice, same.

There are foods I can eat! I don’t feel bad!

Recovery Day 3: One black chai tea bag and hot water + my fasting shake.

I have pooped like a normal human being! This was my ultimate goal. The on-going plan is to slowly add foods back in to determine what I truly can and cannot eat. And then abide by those lessons. I feel better eating less, so for now intermittent fasting (I’ll only eat from 10 am to 7 pm) eating only foods from the good list.

( fasting process )

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Tue, 18 Dec 2018 14:14:59 GMT

I think this is the longest I have ever gone without making a public post. Contrary to the past couple years, I'm not doing badly. I am in fact, doing the best I have since everyone started dying on me. I set three goals for the year when I was struggling with pneumonia back in January.

1) Pull myself together CHECK MARK
2) Get my career back on track CHECK MARK
3) Get an equity line CHECK MARK

\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/

Work: going well. Productive member of staff again.

Home: it's a challenge integrating two households, but we are getting there. The dogs are doing great [so great they conspired last night to piss me off. it was a thing, they were all in on it together]. Living with Sally is the easiest thing I think I've ever done. Seriously. She's been here about three months and things are going so well. My friend Heather says she's moving into the basement, she's one of those flighty people, so I'll believe it when it happens. Sally and I both hope she will do that because THEN there will be someone who will do the lawn and we won't have to. ;-)

Health: Sally and I have been working out since mid-November. November was the gentle time, getting up some mornings (we still haven't made it to all mornings), she was riding her Peloton and I was doing a dance cardio thing. December we started using Beach Body On Demand. It's a streaming workout service by the people who did P90x. We started the LIIFT 4 (lifting/HIIT) this Monday, was week 3 day 1.

Five weeks of exercise. I don't have any scale victories at the moment so I'm celebrating Non-Scale Victories. I can wear some of my smaller panties. I have enough energy to do all the things I want to accomplish. I feel stronger every single day. <-- that's a very big thing for me. When I got out of shape I became weak. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

STARTING to exercise was far more difficult than actually doing it. I remember way before depression hit me and I was a group ex instructor trying to get some RL friends of mine who suffered from depression to exercise. I could not for the life of me understand what was so difficult about just doing something you KNEW would make things better.

Uh. Well. There is nothing in the world like first-hand experience. One of the things I'm working on now is to accept OTHER people's experiences as easily as I accept my own. I get it now. I really do. Prozac kept me from crying all day every day and helped me get out of bed. Exercise has triggered the endorphin feedback loop and I feel less depressed every single day.

In conclusion, things are better. I honestly believe I'd still be where I was if Sally hadn't picked up her life and moved in with me. I will be eternally grateful for that.

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Journaling. Week three

Mon, 27 Aug 2018 17:37:33 GMT

Monday: Maybe by next week I'll be including the weekend. Started period

Food intake: Breakfast: almonds Lunch: grilled chicken salad, orange. dinner: chicken thigh, lettuce, salad dressing, strawberries, peanut butter

Tuesday: Zoe had to be at vet early. Got up great. Good sleep. Worried about my baby girl, she's in a lot of pain. Skin has cleared up.

Food intake: peanut butter, grilled chicken salad, orange, chicken thigh, lettuce, salad dressing, apple, peanut butter. One cider

Bristol 5-6
Wednesday: Got up good. Picked up Zoe. She has to have ACL surgery. Or be lame forever yays

Bristol 4-5

foot intake: peanut butter. lunch grilled chicken salad, kiwi. dinner with andi. salad with 6 fried shrimp, cocktail.

Thursday: Bristol: PERFECT
Woke up great. Four day weekend coming up

Food intake: nabs, salad with ham and kiwi,

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Fri, 17 Aug 2018 14:33:50 GMT

In March I had a physical, it wasn't pretty. Weight, cholesterol, sugar, everything was out of range and absolutely every system in my body was unhappy. Doc told me to lose some weight, eat less carbs, encouraged me to eat steak and more bacon. No breads, crackers, cereals, grits, oatmeals, etc.

The past six months have been so very, very hard. I can point out about a hundred thousand things I should have done but haven't or want to do but haven't. My road to hell isn't just PAVED with good intentions, I've built a 20 lane super highway that is bumper to bumper with negativity. Out of prozac (out of refills) I had to go back to the doctor Wednesday.

Since March, I have lost 10.3 pounds (I'm still not working out. Just walking every day). I stopped eating French Fries, chips of all sorts, vegan ice cream, lunch time cookies, and night time chocolate.

Blood Pressure is lower

Thyroid medication got changed this time 75 one day 50 the next

Cholesterol has gone from 244 to 228 (my good cholesterol is back to the bigger percentage of the number)

This tells me that even though the past six months were fucking hell, I DID GET BETTER

I'm getting a referral to an ENT for the pressure problem I've had in my left ear for the past two years. Things are getting better bit by bit.

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Mon, 25 Jun 2018 12:17:34 GMT

I've been struggling for so long. After the breakup and the subsequent tossing of the birth control pills, I felt 100,000 times better. Especially with depression. But heartbreak has been wearing on me, sucking all the fun and color out of life. I hate everyone who is happy. Which makes it especially difficult to be excited about doing the whole Maid of Honor thing in August. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH

Status:

Five weeks I have made all 10000 steps every day

My yard and my home have been kept up properly for four weeks. I doubled my prozac right around four weeks ago

For three weeks I've managed to get up on time and SHOWER before work. EVEN WITHOUT HOT WATER!!!

Two weeks running, I have purchase and prepared healthy food. I've even gone so far as to eat it.

I haven't had a french fry or fast food in one week.

Today, I'm going to do some yoga. It won't kill me. It will make these other things better.

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The Saga of the Water Heater

Thu, 21 Jun 2018 14:00:57 GMT

About five years ago, my water heater went out. My parents were at the beach, so my dad called a plumber, told him to go fix it, and paid for it. I am aware of my privilege.

Fast Forward to two and a half years ago: Justin moves in. I point out that if he lowered the temperature of the water heater a few degrees we could save money on the electric bill. He goes downstairs, addresses the situation and turns the heater UP. He says that by turning the water up to a higher temperature you wind up not using as much (?) and I was just like, OK, babe. If you say so. You're perfect. Everything you do is fucking awesome. Love of my life, how did I live without you?

Fast forward to last Monday. I have no hot water. I call the plumber who installed it (thinking there could be a warranty) is out of business. I call the guy who's been working on my house and they come by. The water heater was turned up so high, that the safety shut-off kicked in (thanks Justin!). They drained it, reset it, adjusted the temperature and we went on with our lives.

Life goes by. I go to take a shower last Thursday. There is no hot water. I call the guys, the come out and put a new thermostat in it. I have hot water.

Fast forward to this Monday, June 18. I wake up, go to shower. I again have no hot water. I call my guy, they do some research, come over, drain it, reset it, they take the elements out and the mother-fucking things have MELTED. Justin set the damn thing so high that the water MELTED THE FUCKING ELEMENTS.

Now, do I contact the son of a bitch and tell him on top of the $2500 he still owes, he now also owes me for a re-built fucking water heater.

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Mon, 23 Apr 2018 14:04:03 GMT

Mom told me to keep on with my home improvements post-breakup and that she and money from Memaw's estate would help me pay for it. THANK YOU MEMAW. Or mom for making something up to make me happy. I've scaled down the designs to a one-person household/income but I still need help paying for it. Four doors to be installed, some ceiling fans and light fixtures, finish the back deck, and put a roof on the front deck. Another 10k or so. JFC, that's a lot of money. THANK YOU MOM AND MEMAW.

I have painters at the house today (another huge investment even though I get it cheap through my company it's still expensive). In the next couple of days, the inside of my house is going to change colors. All the holes where I've changed my mind about where to hang something are gone. The dents and dings from Justin's moving in and out, in and out, in and out, will disappear. By Wednesday, it will be as if I had never had a family of four living in the house.

I realize that making huge changes in appearance or home can't financially happen for most people post break-up, trauma, death, divorce, etc. but it is REALLY therapeutic for me, at least, that things look different. So I'm not constantly reminded of it all.

Saturday, I cut off my hair into an angled bob. I changed the color from black to a medium brown with honey and caramel highlights. I look younger and fresher faced. I guess going lighter as you age really is the thing to do.

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Thu, 22 Feb 2018 13:24:21 GMT

I quit watching the DC shows on the CW a few years back for reasons. Last night, after Star Trek Soup Group dismissed (we love Discovery, it's SO good) I decided to tune into Black Lightning since I had loved Black Panther so much.

People.

Why did no one tell me Mayor Lavonne Hayes was Black Lightning?? I would watch that man read the phone book.

It opened with Nina Simone singing Strange Fruit. I only watched the pilot, but I can tell, it's going to be amazing.

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Sun, 18 Feb 2018 21:59:10 GMT

I got my steps in all week this week. The house is clean. My food is prepped and cooked.

Home gym clean, prepped, and ready. Wwork out clothing set out ready to go.

Justin is going to give me a get up text. I have felt better this past week than I have in I can remember. It doesn't matter that it's time for my period, that's just being a woman.

I can do this. Day one. I'm staring you in the eye [again] and this time I'm winning.

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weekly goal

Mon, 12 Feb 2018 14:59:59 GMT

Get up
Trx Schedule
Shower
Work
Log food
Meal prep
Housework
Yoga/chakra work
Creativity
Bed

I feel SO much better. OMG. I still have to put shower on my to-do list but I'm getting there.

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new year, new blah blah blah

Tue, 09 Jan 2018 16:19:26 GMT

It's a new year, I want to stand up and shout it's going to be DIFFERENT this time. THIS is the YEAR I'm going to DO IT ALL and all that nonsense but I'm not gonna. Except I kind of am.

The Shady Nook project aka The Embiggening, A Project with Limited Funds (thank you memaw) is coming along. Most of the back deck had to be demo'd due to rot. The new back deck is twice as large as the old one (the old one was postage stamp sized I've got a full envelop now), it will have a roof over half of it, the stairs will have a landing instead of a straight fall to the concrete below. The French door back there needs some work. Some rot in the wood, hopefully that can be replaced instead of a whole new door.

The front deck is getting an 8x8 roof, a new storm door, and a doorbell. The upstairs bath received an exhaust fan.

Actual Shady Nook gets a beam to reinforce its roof.

I plan to "finish" the upstairs bath. This means a new vanity, paint, light fixture, blinds, and shelving in the nook behind the shower. I want to tile all the bath floors and the laundry floor but that will have to wait a while. The Embiggening and the Upstairs bath are the major house projects this year. I'm getting a gas log estimate next week, but an estimate is just that. If it's affordable it goes on this year's list, if it needs saving for it goes on next year's list.

As for ME personally:
I exercised yesterday, a full body strength work out. Then I "went" to my online class. I want to do this everyday. Go home, pick up the house if it needs it, do my work out, "go" to class.

Surely, that's not reaching too far? Surely, with a goal as modest as go to class everyday and move a little every day is something I won't fail at. Surely. As for the exercise plan itself. Last year I bought a home TRX system and promptly put in a drawer and didn't use it. Currently, I'm not fit enough to use the TRX SO I am doing the TRX workout with light weights until I am strong enough to use the system. I'm following the program as it's written. If I manage to maintain a month of daily work, I should be able to use the actual TRX by month two.

Pre-new year, I had implemented a routine at home to make sure I'm doing small chores as needed instead of waiting until the end of the week and cleaning for 12 hours straight. It's a much better way to live. I used to be like this without effort, but that was before depression, thyroid, and the reckoning where-in nearly everyone I know and loved died in an 18 month span. I'm on week three of not being a slob so I'm making progress in at least one avenue of life. YAY!

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Mon, 11 Dec 2017 15:27:19 GMT

My nanny passed away last night. All my grandparents are gone now.

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Mon, 11 Dec 2017 15:17:04 GMT

Turned in my final paper and finished my first semester last night. The first time I went to school, I had a stereotypical all partying all the time freshman/sophomore years. GPA first semester 1.69, this time around a 3 something, depends on my paper. First freshman year I took a seminar class called "Sexual Harassment, Pornography, and the first amendment." It was awesome and tragically topical today. My other English class that year was on romantic literature.

This was my first stab at a "real" English class. We wrote four papers: descriptive narrative (#metoo response), process essay (how to make yogi tea), analysis (Harrison Bergeron), and argumentative (the vacuum paper). In lieu of a final exam, we wrote a final paper from one of the four types. I did a process essay.

It's under the cut

( Read more... )

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Mon, 04 Dec 2017 19:06:27 GMT

I came up with something to write about all on my little old lonesome. I swear topic and then title are the two worst parts.

Sally's going to grammar/punctuation proof it for me. Fandom friendships-to real life friendships-to editing my damn commas on my second run through college. My life would be much smaller and less colorful without all of you.

I feel better ;-)

I'm not 100% me, but I'm around 75% and that's better than I've been in a year so I'm calling that a win.

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Writing Prompts?

Fri, 01 Dec 2017 13:51:51 GMT

Instead of a final exam in my English class, I'm to write a short essay 500-700 words that is one of the following types: narrative (descriptive non-fiction), process (how-to do something), or argumentative (research)

I know I don't want to write the argumentative because that was the last style we wrote and I'm burned out on it.

I am seriously struggling on a topic for either narrative or process, some prompts would be AMAZING

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Thu, 26 Oct 2017 14:25:22 GMT

I am much more present on Facebook and Tumblr; if any of you want to be added there please comment for facebook, I'm turnonmyheels at Tumblr [gasp!]

* My life has changed so much in the past two years it's mind-boggling. The major changes as well as my health issues explain the depression. While I'm not as bad as I was at the peak, I'm not all the way recovered. I'm only cooking for myself about 30% of the time. That's an improvement though, I was just eating absolute trash every day. For example, last week I managed to make healthy breakfast and dinner to last the week. This week, I barely managed to get my Soup Group meal ready on time.

* Star Trek Soup Group is currently watching Star Trek Discovery and we are REALLY enjoying it. It's just different enough to be new and interesting.

* I only got an 85 in my how to go to college class. Good thing I took it, huh? I'm currently mid-way through an 8-week English class with a 98 but there are several things yet to be graded. I think I might like the 8 week format slightly better? So long as it's the only class that I'm doing.

* My digestion does not hate me as much as it did, and I'm coping better. \o/

* I am almost through with my Fall Purge. It has been incredibly helpful mentally to do this. I highly recommend it. I most likely would not have even attempted it, but mom handed her leather furniture down to me and I've re-done almost the entirety of the house. When everything is 'done' I'll post some pics. For J's Xmas I'm having 4 of his concert posters framed. That sounds strange but they are *beautiful* and I think he'd like to have some of his own stuff on the wall instead of just mine

* I wish J would find a job at home. I hate his schedule and that he's in Augusta, GA 6 days a week but I love him and it won't last forever. I hope.

*

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Tue, 29 Aug 2017 13:51:21 GMT

I am enrolled in school! I had an awful start to the semester but with a little schedule wrangling and a late drop/add I think I am going to be okay.

The world in my head is not the world I live in. For example, I had an idea of what online classes were and then I experienced reality. Head canon: online classes are like taking a seminar. Check in for lecture once a week and do the work.

LOLOLOLOLOL

I had to drop my English class because I didn't check in until the end of week one and I had already missed about five graded things and a quiz. I tried like hell to recoup while on vacation, but it was impossible. So drop/add. I must say, I did better than the first time I tried college. I just didn't drop anything then and never went to school so I walked around with a lot of Fs. So right now I'm taking college success for 8 weeks, and in October I'll start the English class. It's going to be crammed full in an eight week course but I won't start out by missing a whole week. Surely I can do this?

Gastrointerologist appointment tomorrow. Seeing a different person as my guy retired. I'm hoping he'll have more answers or solutions because I'm really tired of living like this.

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Tue, 08 Aug 2017 13:46:53 GMT

Despite only eating "safe" foods last week, I had a flare up that left me miserable all week. It de-railed all the momentum I had with exercise, water drinking efforts, and keeping safe food in the house. Yesterday, 10 days after it started, I felt human so I started over.

Again.

I managed to walk 2 miles which took me to 12,000 steps.

With the endorphines that generated I managed to bake egg cups so I could get enough protein with my breakfast (scramble eggs, pour over a piece of ham in the bottom of a muffin tin, bake 350 20 min), shredded up half of a rotisserie chicken, zoodled and sauteed three zucchinis (the only freaking vegetable I can eat) and made a pot of turmeric rice (chicken broth, turmeric, ginger powder, and saffron).

Then I cleaned up the mess and congratulated myself on adulting and functioning with chronic illness. This morning, the egg cup was yummy protein goodness and I'm continuing to feel better.
I've got to learn how to keep going through the flare ups instead of curling up into a ball and being miserable. I see the gastroenterologist again at the end of the month. Here's hoping we can get to the bottom of this. Heh, bottom

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Wed, 26 Jul 2017 14:23:53 GMT

First I managed 10,000 steps 6/7 days a week. And now I've been spinning! I'm up to 30 minutes, 3 days a week and this week I started to add some strength training \o/ Yesterday I started logging my food/water and all that jazz. I think the reason I've been stuck so long is I'm not drinking enough water. And I'm not getting enough protein. I appear to be the carb and fat lady according to my macro-nutrient thingy from my fitbit.

Recommendations: I need a non-gut-upsetting lean protein I can eat. No dairy, nothing fried, no avocado or nuts. Surely there's something besides eggs? Surely?

Pro-tip: carrying water around all the time doesn't do a thing if you don't DRINK it.

I've visited Nanny twice in her Rehab place AND I bought food from a grocery store yesterday. Now, I haven't gotten so much better that I've *cooked* but I did make sure I fruit and non-gut aggravating side dishes to go with my BLTs for dinner this week.

I've been watching what all Sue is cooking up on Facebook and I've saved a couple of her recipes and one from clean eating I saw last week. Mayhaps [sorry, I've been reading GoT fanfic something got me away from Harry Potter!] I'll soon be in a place where cooking isn't over-whelming and is merely a thing one does in this world.

I feel like by the time school starts -- I paid my tuition yesterday -- that I may be a fully functioning adult again.

::crosses fingers::

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Mon, 17 Jul 2017 18:06:52 GMT

Yesterday, I *knew* that today would be an awesome, amazing, kick-ass day that would start with me jumping out of bed and going at it for all I am worth.

I woke up with an IBS attack. So I start my day at 9 instead of 6, but I did spin after all the explosions stop, half-way prettied myself up, and arrived at work at 10:30 instead of 7:45.

So I want credit for doing the things even though things didn't go as planned. I want like, ALL THE CREDIT.

Tomorrow I want to get up at 6, NOT have an IBS attack, go at it for all I'm worth and have the day I wanted to have today.

Meanwhile, I have a hair appointment this afternoon

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Tue, 11 Jul 2017 13:42:40 GMT

Back from a great weekend in Detroit with Moosesal and my friend Andi. We caught The Outlaws concert featuring Lukas Nelson, Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit, Sheryl Crow, Bob Dylan, and the main event: Willie Nelson

One thing I sincerely dislike about Dreamwidth is the lack of ease in loading pics. Oh well, I'm a horrible photographer anyway

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Fri, 30 Jun 2017 12:05:39 GMT

I spun!

And my butt hurts

\o/

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